Dream Differed (with apologies to Langston Hughes)

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. My dream is different now.

In the past month, I’ve been struck time and time again with the realization that the dream I’ve so carefully and passionately held in my heart for the past 3 and a half years is changing drastically. What I thought God was calling me to all along stands in stark contrast to the reality that has been set before me here in Mbarara.

I’ve humbly learned that no matter how large your skill set or how qualified you may be, culture runs deep, and traditions are strong. Habits that have been passed down from generation to generation have created mindsets and beliefs that are not easily replaced. They have affected Ugandans to the core of their being and dictate their beliefs on how they think they are created to live and learn.

Only Christ can redeem what has been lost and forgotten along the way. 

I came out here with plans and dreams and hopes for the Ugandan schools. After spending a significant amount of time observing in a typical Ugandan primary school, I set those ambitions aside realizing that they’re not realistic. Not only because of time constraints and cultural barriers but also because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is nothing good in me apart from Christ.

I can have the best intentions and the greatest ideas, but if I act out of my own desires rather than with the sole purpose of bringing glory to God, then it’s all for nothing. Any plans that I came out here with have been stripped away. God is in the process of replacing those dreams with something different. Something better. Something bigger. But I have no idea what that means yet.

I have no doubt in mind that the dream I held on to for all these years was indeed from the Lord. He was the one to give me a reason to live for something bigger than myself. For something that involves fulfilling the Great Commission. He is the one who challenged me to defend the cause of the weak and fatherless and compelled me to bind up the broken hearted. For those reasons I am here, but I’m also here for reasons I don’t know yet.

What I do know is that God is taking me on an amazing journey this year that involves delving into his Word, seeking wisdom and truth for myself, and striving for obedience to God’s purposes in my life whatever they might be. Anything positive that comes out of my time here, any small difference that I can make in the lives of one or many people, any act love and compassion that points others to Christ and brings glory to his name... They only happen by the grace of God and by his Spirit that is at work in me.

I’m already 2 and a half months into my time here, and I feel like I actually have less of an idea of what I’m supposed to be doing here than when I first arrived. Fortunately, time is nothing to God. When he chooses to give me clarity and peace about my ministries and about the time I spend here is a matter of God’s sovereignty. And in the end all that really matters is “I AM THAT I AM has sent me” (Ex. 3:14). I am here, and He will do the rest.

It may be unfulfilled. It may be unrestored.

But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord,

 just watch and see,

it will not be unredeemed.

-Selah