This Is Who I Am

You can't live in an entirely new continent, country, and culture for an extended period of time without being changed.

And I don't mean changes like your feet are constantly dirty no matter how much you scrub them or your standards for fashion and style have gone way downhill.

I'm talking about changes of the heart. Changes in your character. Changes that you don't even realized have happened until you catch yourself speaking, acting, and responding in a way that is so unlike you.

Yep. Uganda has changed me. In just seven short months God has stripped out so much of the old and replaced it with something transformed. This work didn't begin when I left the States in August, though. It began years ago as the Lord started softening my stubborn heart toward missions and His people all over the world. 

I used to think, "Oh, I could never be a missionary. That is so not for me."
Now I'm honored to serve with Africa Inland Mission.

I used to think, "Maybe I'll teach overseas some day, but not until after I teach in the States for a few years."
Instead, I moved to Uganda three months after graduation.

I used to think, "I only want to go to Uganda if I can teach early childhood education in a Ugandan school."
Now I've come to terms with the reality of that statement and experienced the extreme difficulties and limitations of that position.

The Lord, who is so gracious, is changing me, shaping me, and creating a new spirit within me.

He is giving me dreams that are not my own. I could never come up with the things that He is placing on my heart. But He is slowly and surely confirming in me that these dreams are, in fact, becoming my own.

He is changing my heart to be more like His, whether I like it or not. Whether it fits with my visions and hopes or not. Whether it scares me or not.

He is changing me.

In the past seven months:

• I've made a third-world country my home and feel so blessed to have done so.
• I've developed deeper convictions about world missions and gained a great understanding of how to disciple others.
• I've felt the real power of prayers and generous love from supporters back home.
• I've developed a deeper understanding of the needs and issues Uganda and the Church in Uganda is facing today.
• I've wrestled continually with the concept of "when helping hurts" (http://www.whenhelpinghurts.org/) and how to be unrestrained as I share and show the love of Christ with the needy.
• I've knelt before the Lord and poured my heart and tears out to him telling Him just how hard it is. I've sat in silence in the presense of Jesus and listened to Him remind me that He knows.
• I've surrendered all my plans over and over again so I can be more useful as Christ works in me and through me.
• I've realized God's calling on my life is so big. Bigger than I want to admit at times.
• I've learned I am learning to be ok with the unknown and embrace vague visions for the future.

This is not who I was or who I will be in a few months from now, but
This is who I am now.