Motherhood is a Team Effort

I read this article on Psychology Today's website a few months ago, and I've been reflecting on it ever since. The author, Darcia Narvaez, shares some extremely important ideas about symbiotic relationships essential in motherhood: the community, the mother, and the child. When these three things are working in collaboration, the mother is able to thrive, and the child's development is optimized.

Why community? Mothers raising children at home in virtual isolation is a new phenomenon, and it's certainly not what God intended. Not only are we created in the image of a Triune God, which means there's something at the very core of our souls that requires community, but all over the Bible we read verses like these:

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers... And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts... 

Acts 2:42-47

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! 

Psalm 133:1

In the context of motherhood, "community" means "how well the mother and her ancestors are/were supported emotionally, socially and physically" (Narvaez, 2014). Even when life is physically difficult, there is still social and emotional support for mothers when they are living within a caring community. Studies have shown us that the support a mother receives (or doesn't receive) directly affects the type of attention she gives her baby (Narvaez, 2014), so it becomes essential for the child's healthy development that mothers are well-supported by their community.

But this next little bit of research struck me right at the core. Let's not miss this:

"High nurturing rat mothers raise high nurturing daughters but low nurturing mothers raise daughters who are even less nurturing than their mothers due to cross-generational epigenetic effects" (Narvaez, 2014).

Did you catch that? Experience in one generation has effects into the next generation. There is a connection between community support and how well mothers mother. And not just for the mother's generation, but for her daughter's, and for her daughter's daughter. When we see mothers who are regularly inattentive and disengaged, there's a strong probability that there is a historical lack of community support. 

My heart aches as I see this played out time and time again among communities in Uganda. Child abandonment is an ever-increasing issue. There is much shame and stigma involved with becoming pregnant outside of marriage. Many families will threaten to disown their daughter if she chooses to keep the baby. Therefore, many young, unwed mothers abandon their babies so they themselves won't be abandoned.
Cycles of shame. Cycles of brokenness. Cycles of abandonment.

Though I despise the reality, I'm not surprised because the Bible speaks clearly about the power and pattern of generational sin.

The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, 

forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, 

visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation. 

Numbers 14:18

There is a continual refrain found in 1st and 2nd Kings that goes something like this:

"He did evil in the sight of the LORD and walked in the way of his father."

We can look at some of our most beloved Bible characters and see this generational sin played out. For example, in Genesis 12 we read a story about Abraham where he does not trust God's provision in the midst of a famine, he lies about his wife being his sister, and he's rebuked by a pagan king.
In Genesis 26, we read about Abraham's son, Isaac. Can you guess what happens in this passage? Yep. Isaac does not trust God's provision in the midst of a famine, he lies about his wife being his sister, and he's rebuked by a pagan king.

Another example. King David, in a matter of a few days, lusts, rapes, and murders. A few years later, David's son, Amnon, lusts after and rapes his own sister. Two years later, another one of David's sons, Absalom, avenges his sister by murdering Amnon.
Lust. Rape. Murder.
Like father, like son.

Is this a coincidence? Absolutely not. Over and over we see there is a lineage of not only "You have his eyes!" but also "You sin the way he sinned."  We reap what we sow, y'all. 

It's not all bad news, though, because the Bible also speaks about generational faith! There is one kind of generational faithfulness where a father and mother are living in loving obedience to God, and their children grow to do the same.

But there is another type of generational faithfulness that is key to breaking these cycles of abandonment. There are times when there is a man or woman who comes from generations of rebellious people, but God stops that generational sin. He does a redeeming work in that man or woman's life and uses him or her as a catalyst of faith for generations to come.

We can find a wonderful example of this in King Josiah, who came from a long line of men who "did evil in the sight of the LORD and walked in the way of their fathers." But God. He did a huge redeeming work in Josiah's life, put the Law of the Lord in his heart, and changed him forever.

Neither before nor after Josiah was there a king like him who turned to the Lord 

as he did—with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his strength, 

in accordance with all the Law of Moses. 

2 Kings 23:25

Can you feel the hope rising? Can you see the chains breaking? 
Just because it's always been one way doesn't mean it has to always stay that way. Through Christ's work on the cross, generational sin can be stopped, and a new legacy can be formed.

Friends, let's not allow mothers to fall through the cracks. (Reach out.)

Mothers, please don't isolate yourselves. (Receive.)

Church, we are a family of faith, and we have a responsibility to care for our own (Rise up.)

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; 

he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations 

of those who love him and keep his commandments.

Deuteronomy 7:9